


The Witch and the Were-Creature

by idleflower



Category: New Mutants
Genre: F/F, Femslash Festivus, Misses Clause Challenge, the 80s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-07 14:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12843117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idleflower/pseuds/idleflower
Summary: They were two lonely teenagers with strange powers. They had everything, and nothing, in common.





	1. Lies we Tell Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wanderlustlover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustlover/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during Marvel Graphic Novel #4

The grand foyer of Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters was an imposing sight to most who first set foot within it. The oak-paneled walls whispered of old money and old taste. The enfolding arms of the majestic double staircase drew the eye up into empty space, before forcing it to flinch away from the sharp glitter and glare of the hanging chandelier. Carved wooden chairs, cushionless as church pews, flanked the walls, standing guard beneath portraits and certificates which proclaimed the education of their owner. Every item in the room, it seemed, had existed for many times the years of the girl who lingered there on the outer edges.

But then, as she was only thirteen, it was not unusual for Rahne Sinclair to be surrounded by objects far older than she was.

She stood on her toes, the hem of her tartan skirt riding up just above her knees, and stared at an old black-and-white photograph mounted on the wall, searching for a familiar face. 

"Whatcha looking at?"

"Och!" Rahne jumped away from the wall in such haste, she nearly knocked herself over. She hadn't heard anyone approach! Her head whipped back and forth, short red hair catching the light from above, but she saw no one. "Who said that?"

"Me, silly. I'm up here."

Rahne took a few steps back into the center of the foyer and angled her head upwards.

On the landing, and entirely out of keeping with the grandeur of the room, a blond girl sat cross-legged, her face pressed between the wooden spindles of the railing. Her hands gripped the bars to either side of her head, giving her the illusion of a prisoner, or an animal, except for her untroubled smile. "Hi."

"Are... are ye a _mutant_?" Rahne breathed.

The strange girl laughed. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because..." Rahne fidgeted. "Isn't this a school for... those people?"

"Used to be." She reached up and pulled herself to her feet. "Guess it might be again, soon. But I'm not a student here. I'm just a guest." She planted her elbows on the railing and leaned over to grin at Rahne, her hair falling around her face. "Are you?" 

Rahne winced, waving her pale hands in front of her face. "Dinna do that!"

"What, ask you questions?"

"Lean over the railing!" 

She smirked. "Pish." But she straightened up and thumped her way down the stairs.

Now that they were at a level, Rahne could see the other girl more clearly. Not much taller or older than herself, she seemed. The blonde wore a light blue turtleneck that covered the early hints of a figure, purple corduroy trousers, a narrow pink belt with a golden buckle, and white laced shoes with little purple kangaroos on the sides. Around her neck hung a wide golden medallion on a thick chain. It looked old and heavy, to Rahne's eye, but the girl wore it as if it were nothing. Perhaps it was an _unnatural_ strength? "Um..."

But the other girl interrupted. "You haven't answered my question. Or introduced yourself."

"Och, my manners!" Rahne clapped her hands to the sides of her head. "Lady Moira would be ashamed... I-I'm Rahne Sinclair."

"From Scotland, right?" The blonde grinned. "I'm Illyana Rasputina."

"Is that... Russian?" Rahne guessed. "You don't sound like a Russian." In fact, to Rahne's ear, she sounded completely and comfortably American.

Illyana shrugged. "I was born in Russia, but I haven't been there since - since I was a very little girl."

"So you live here now?"

"For the moment."

"And - and _are_ ye a mutant?"

Her brows tightened, just a fraction. "My brother is. It runs in families, sometimes, but most of the time powers don't show up until puberty. No one knows about me, yet." She grinned. "You should meet Piotr. He's got all the Russian accent you could ask for. Don't get any ideas, though. He's taken."

Rahne covered her face. "I would never!" Then, peeking out from between her fingers, she added, "Is he here?"

"No. He's away with the X-Men. We don't know when they'll be back." Illyana smirked. "That's why you're here. Moira's been nagging the Professor to take on a fresh batch of students and stop being so depressed. You're one of his new mutants, aren't you?"

"... I suppose."

"Don't look so glum about it! So, what can you do? Change colors? Climb walls? Fly?"

Rahne looked away. "I... turn into a wolf."

"That's cool. I had a friend once who - well, anyway. That's a pretty good power."

"Good?!" Her head shot up, green eyes laser-bright. "'Tis a mark of Satan! I am a beast, a monster! There is nothing good about this!"

"Oh, yeah? What have you done that's so evil? Eaten anybody alive?"

"No!"

"Did you scratch off someone's face? Tear off their arms and beat them to death with them?"

"No!"

"So - what, then? Did you at least kill a flock of chickens? No, it's sheep you have in Scotland, right?"

"I'm a monster," Rahne said stubbornly.

Illyana shook her head. "You don't even sound like much of an animal."

"'Tis unnatural," Rahne said. "Reverend Craig said the Devil speaks through me. The wages of sin - that I'm possessed, that all muties are abominations and demons - "

"Hey," Illyana snapped. "It's not just my brother who's a mutant. My best friend is, too. A lot of _good people_ are mutants. Some bad ones, too, but there's plenty of bad people who are just plain old humans." Her mouth twisted in a half-smile. "I bet this Reverend has never even seen a real demon."

Rahne shook her head. "You don't understand. I am tainted - "

"I understand that you've just met me, and you're already trying to convince me of how terrible and worthless and guilty you are." She shrugged. "You have to know it's a lie, but I guess it makes you feel better somehow, pretending."

"I..." Rahne stared. What was she supposed to say to that? She cast about for some way to change the subject. "Th-that's a nice necklace you're wearing."

"What, this?" Illyana flicked a fingernail against the gold medallion. "Got it from a bubble vending machine at the mall. You have malls in Scotland?"

"No... not where I'm from," Rahne said.

"Bummer," Illyana sighed. "Guess that'll suck while I'm there."

Rahne blinked. "You're going to Scotland?"

"Told you, I'm not a student. They don't want me getting in the way while the new mutant batch learns to use their powers, so Moira MacTaggert's taking me to Europe on vacation. You know her, right?"

"Lady Moira is my guardian," Rahne said faintly.

"So I'm probably stealing your bedroom, right? I promise not to break your toys." Illyana winked. "Now, come on. You don't want to stand in this dreary old entrance hall and read off Charles Xavier's diplomas, do you? We've got a whole mansion here. Come on through to the back, there's a sitting room with sofas and a great view of the pool. You been swimming yet?"

"I don't have a swimsuit..."

"Buy one!" She paused. "Borrow one. Hey, why don't you come up to my room? Between me and Kitty, we might have something that fits you. Then we can go in the water."

"'Tis na proper..."

"What, borrowing a swimsuit? It's just clothes. We have laundry." She thundered up the stairs, luring a nervous Rahne to follow her for fear of seeming rude. "Or do you mean being in my bedroom? I'm going to be in yours, right? So it's only fair."

Past the entrance, one hallway led to another. Rahne gulped at the number of doors she was passing. This place was even larger than the ancestral Kinross estate. "I-I only lived with Lady Moira for a fortnight."

"And I've only shared this room with Kitty for a few months. Same difference."

"Kitty is your best friend?"

"And my brother's girlfriend. Well, she's going to be, anyway. He says she's too young. I say, what does age matter?" Illyana shook back her hair. "You never know what's going to happen in life. Everything can change overnight. You know?"

Rahne nodded, then realised that the girl in the lead couldn't see her. "I never imagined I'd be coming to America, or living with Lady Moira..." Or turning into a werewolf, she did not add.

"Exactly." Illyana threw open the door to a bedroom. "Ta-da!"

The room was an explosion of colors and posters: a smiling cartoon cat, the looming head of Darth Vader, the mustachioed charm of Burt Reynolds. Rahne's eye was briefly caught by a woman in a wide-skirted ballgown standing on a balcony and reaching out to stroke the muzzle of her loyal black dragon. What would it be like, she wondered, to be a fairytale princess? Could it be possible, for a girl like her, someday?

Shaking her head, she continued her survey. "Is that a computer?"

"Yeah, it's Kitty's. She goes to a special class."

"I've never seen one before... Not in a real person's bedroom."

"You should see the really big computers in the lab downstairs," Illyana grinned.

Signs of the absent Kitty were everywhere, from the acoustic guitar leaning in a corner to the shelves crammed with books and record albums. It was harder to detect the stamp of Illyana's personality, other than in the pile of plush Muppets on her bed. Rahne found it quietly reassuring that even this beautiful, fearless foreigner still enjoyed a good cuddle.

At that moment, however, Illyana was pulling something out of a drawer that made Rahne's eyes bulge. "Th-tha's just triangles and strings!"

"It's a bikini, it's supposed to be skimpy." Illyana tossed it onto the bed. "I suppose yellow isn't quite your color."

Rahne was too gobsmacked to comment.

"How about this little green number?" she said, holding up another bathing suit. "It's a one-piece."

"But there's no straps! I canna wear such a thing. What if someone sees me?"

"Then they see you. So what?"

Rahne floundered. "I - I canna show so much skin. I'll burn."

"Then put a t-shirt on over top." Illyana paused. "You _can_ swim, can't you?"

Rahne nodded. 

"Good. Then try this on."

* * *

Try as she might, Illyana could not convince the little Scottish girl to use the diving boards, not even the medium-height one. She supposed it was enough of a victory to get the girl into the water at all. As it was, Rahne's swimming was hampered by the waterlogged fabric of the solid and completely non-transparent t-shirt she had insisted on wearing as a coverup. She kept her head above water well enough, but Illyana couldn't help but wonder how she would swim in wolf form, if she would only allow herself to try.

Rahne was, at heart, a cute kid. Shy, innocent, afraid of how everyone else might see her, and with not much more experience of interacting with people her own age than Illyana had. 

When Illyana was Rahne's age, she had already learned to kill. 

Cat would never have enjoyed the swimming, even if there had been bodies of water on Limbo large enough to try it. She would never have let her guard down enough to enjoy something so frivolous. In the wastes of Limbo, distraction could be a death sentence. Only in Ororo's garden did any fragile beauty survive. 

Storm had a private garden here in Xavier's mansion as well, now left untended in the X-Men's absence. Illyana could not bring herself to make the climb to the attic to water the plants. The memory of Ororo's - her Ororo's - death, the painful disintegration of her soul-garden legacy, and the knowledge that both of those acts of destruction had been by Illyana's own hand, still haunted her. Perhaps if there had been more time, perhaps if she had been able to share the truth with Storm, perhaps then she might have been welcomed. As it was, she felt like nothing but an uninvited outsider, spreading corruption in her wake. No. The plants would live until Storm's return, or else they would die. There were worse things, Illyana knew, than death.

She watched Rahne kick her way down to the depths of the pool, pale legs flickering and flashing under the water. A cute kid. A stupid kid, scared of little nothings, having no idea what there was to be afraid of. 

How would Rahne react if she had any idea of what Illyana really was? Considering her drive for self-mortification over a harmless mutation, she might literally die of fear and hatred, or attack her on the spot.

Illyana idly wondered what it would feel like to drown.

Baptism was a religious rite, wasn't it? Perhaps that death would purify her soul. Particularly if it was at the hands of a true believer - but then, maybe little Rahne wasn't really as religious as she wanted to tell herself that she was. 

Sweet little Rahne had no way to know that Illyana wasn't allowed to be here at the pool by herself. That the adults didn't trust her, didn't know who - or what - she was anymore. They took her shopping, bought her toys and clothes and makeup and magazines, they escorted her to and from dance lessons where she filled Kitty's empty place and smiled at empty strangers, and they didn't talk to her. They were _concerned_ about her, but to them she would always be an interloper, a replacement for 'their' Illyana. A melted snowflake. Only Kitty had accepted her return open-heartedly, and now Kitty was missing, gone. 

But now, here _she_ was: Rahne Sinclair. A girl who had never known the old Illyana. 

Could they be friends? Real, simple, nail-painting, safety-pin-beading friends?

The redhead erupted upwards, breaking the surface with a gasp and a splash. She shook her head, flinging water out of her short hair. "This is fun!"

"I thought you said you'd done this before," Illyana teased. "You said you knew how to swim."

"I do, but I've no' had the chance verra oft - " Her voice cut off in a splutter as Illyana swept a wave in her direction. After a moment's pause, she grabbed hold of the pool rim and sent her own splash back. "Ha!"

"That's the spirit!" Illyana hoisted herself up to sit on the edge, then kicked her feet in the water, creating more loud churn than actual splash.

Rahne paddled around out of range. "Do we do this every day here?"

"I'm not a student, remember?" That had come out more harshly than Illyana intended. "I'm sure they'll let you swim as much as you want. It's good exercise. The Professor will probably even ask you to swim as a wolf, for training. You know."

Rahne sighed. "I hope you don't mind me saying so, but... I wish I could take your place." She leaned her head against the pool side, clinging there like a tiny wet kitten. "I wish I could go home with Lady Moira and be a normal girl."

"That's me," said Illyana. "A totally normal teenager."


	2. Chiaroscuro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after New Mutants #25, so more than six months have passed. Magik joined the team in NM #14.

The darkness was not absolute. It might have been reassuring that way, a formless nothingness that one could melt into and vanish without a trace. This blackness rippled and writhed, lumps and protrusions heaving outwards and then swallowed up again.

She could hear her brother's voice crying out: "Katya! Zsaji!" and her fear for his safety warred with his indignation at what he'd done to Kitty. How could he abandon the girl who, in another lifetime, he had literally died for? Didn't he _deserve_ to suffer?

She could hear Bobby - Sunspot - snarling, feel the crushing pain of his fingers on her shoulder as the darkness swallowed him. No, not Sunspot, _S'ym._ He had her by the arm, and she couldn't escape. She was only a child, an apprentice, and she knew what happened to girls who'd been bad - !

_Light._

It drove down upon the darkness like a rain of needles, and every shadow-place it touched, eyes and teeth gleamed, widened, and fell back, screaming. The brilliance was relentless, and every bit as painful as the darkness that came before, but she would not yield to it. Chin high, she stared through the light to the figure wrapped within it. An adult woman, fair of form and figure, with a luxurious cloud of long red hair and an expression of merciless beauty like a militant angel. She was - 

"Are ye awake?"

Illyana opened her eyes, and immediately wished she hadn't. She was still in the rectory of St. Anne's church, slumped in an overstuffed easy chair where she had apparently fallen asleep sitting up. Her mouth was dry, her headache was abominable, and she itched to clean out the fluff from under her fingernails. She hated feeling weak and off-balance, hated knowing that anyone had been watching her while she was vulnerable.

From an overhead window, the morning sun streamed in, blocked only by the shadow of the girl who stood in front of her: Rahne Sinclair. 

Half a year in America had not greatly changed the Scottish girl. She was still short, skinny, and flat-chested, and her furlike red hair refused to grow more than a couple of inches in length. At the moment, she wore a green sweaterdress that was greatly the worse for wear from the previous night's excitement. While affected by Dagger's Lightforce powers, Rahne had changed back and forth between her normal self and a taller, far more glamourous adult. Then, in order to purge the rogue energies from Rahne and their teammate Bobby, Illyana had needed to use her mutant power to take them both into the demonic plane of Limbo. The end result was that Rahne was dressed in little more than rags, but somehow she made it look cute. Almost like a Christmas elf, Illyana thought. "Hey, kiddo. You sleep all right?" 

Rahne turned her head, the sunlight giving her hair a fiery halo. "There's breakfast."

Illyana sniffed the air. "Did somebody go to McDonald's?"

"Peter did."

"Awesome." Illyana stood up and stretched. Now that she was properly awake, she could hear the chatter coming from the next room, where Professor Xavier and her fellow New Mutants were dining. She headed that direction, pausing at the doorframe to take in the scene. Someone, possibly the priest Father Bowen, had found Peter a spare shirt, though it didn't disguise his muscles even in non-armored form. He sat hunched at the end of a table, good-naturedly suffering the questions of a pair of little Asian kids - Shan's siblings. Illyana sauntered up behind him and hugged his head, her arms over his shoulders. "Hey, big brother. Didja get me hotcakes?"

"I did not forget your favorite," he said with Russian dignity. He gestured to a flat white styrofoam container sitting on the table. "There is syrup cup, too."

"Perfect." Illyana patted his head. Touching Peter was always reassuring, a reminder that at least in this timeline he was safe and well. Her gloves marred the effect slightly, though. Unlike the rest of her companions, Illyana was in full X-Uniform. Practical for fighting demons and performing exorcism, not so much for wielding a knife and fork. "Give me a minute, I'll just pop back to Limbo and change."

"Ye should not."

Caught off guard, Illyana turned back to see Rahne's frown. "What? It'll only take a moment."

Rahne's nostrils twitched slightly. "'Tis a house of God. Ye should not be opening a doorway to that wicked place from inside."

Apparently Rahne was still angry about last night.

When the X-Men first returned to Earth, Illyana was overjoyed to see her brother and her roommate again. She had hoped to introduce Kitty to Rahne, but that didn't work out. Kitty Pryde took offense at Xavier asking her to train with the novices just because of her age, and avoided them as much as possible while fighting her way back to her privileges. As for the New Mutants, they had bonded as a team in Illyana's absence. Rahne, in particular, was closely attached to Danielle Moonstar. There was no room for Illyana among them - at least, not until S'ym attacked the mansion and forced her to reveal her secret to survive.

Ever since the Scottish girl had discovered Illyana's mutant powers, she'd been skittish around her. It wasn't like Illyana had gone out of her way to flaunt her demonic connections, but when people were in danger, she had to use any power she had access to, pretty or not. Her strength, her spells and her soulsword had been the only thing that saved the New Mutants team on multiple occasions - including last night, although she had needed the help of the Professor and Rogue to do the job right. And yet, too many times, she heard Rahne whispering behind her back, calling her a wicked witch, the spawn of Satan. Illyana refused to let her see that it stung. She had been hurt by _professionals._ This was nothing.

Illyana turned back to her teammates. Sam had a mouthful of sausage and egg and did not speak, though he would probably be on Rahne's side anyway. Dani started what was hopefully a defense, "It won't hurt any - " but Bobby hushed her with a nudge and a grin. "She can go out back, right? No problem. You gonna eat your hashbrown?"

So. Illyana's hands tightened. It made sense, didn't it? She was unclean. Though they didn't know it, the part of her soul that was forever a demonic sorceress hissed in displeasure for every moment she spent upon hallowed ground. Damned or not, however, she would not give Rahne the victory by saying so. Instead, she grinned and spun in place, letting her long blond hair fly out around her like a cape. "Back in a flash!"

As if she hadn't a care in the world, she walked out the door and into the alley, then dropped through a light disc into Limbo. Her dimension. The place where she'd become herself, through pain and tears and blood. It was a twisted, nightmarish landscape where nothing but monsters could survive, but hey, it was home!

Here, Illyana's sorcerous powers reigned supreme. She could do anything, be anything, sometimes even without intending it. If she wasn't paying attention, she might suddenly find herself wearing a long robe and Belasco's bloodstone medallion, or the fur leotard that Cat had made for her when she taught her to hunt, back when she was alive and free.

Those were exactly the memories that Illyana did not wish to dwell on. What she needed was an outfit that made her feel fun and fashionable and in control. With a bit of thought, she spun up a black skirt, a purple off-the-shoulder-top, a big belt, and a little jean jacket. It was still cold on Earth, after all. 

She pulled a mirror up from the ground and examined herself, tugging the edges of the jacket. A tame outfit compared to Sam's ripped-up rock t-shirt, but she wasn't trying to look like a rebel. It would do. 

Spinning a light disc up in front of her, she jumped into the air and touched back down again outside of St. Anne's. She paused for a second to peer inside, just to check that it was still the right day, and then burst inside, all smiles. "Hope you didn't steal my butter!" She squeezed in next to her brother and snagged the container of hotcakes. "Pass me a knife and fork?"

Sam handed her the cutlery with a nod. He was a good guy, Sam, even if he was foolishly old-fashioned and too simple for her tastes. Illyana smirked, Put that way, he almost sounded like her brother. And that was what Sam thought of himself when it came to the New Mutants, wasn't it? Everybody's big brother. It was certainly how he acted towards Rahne, despite her occasional hint of a crush.

Rahne herself was sitting as far away from Illyana as possible, nibbling on a muffin sandwich. Illyana resisted the urge to snap at her - that was probably the evil side of her speaking, after all. But it wasn't fair. Why did the girl act like she wanted to be friends, and then turn around and shun Illyana completely? Why was she always muttering behind her back, no matter how many times Illyana proved that her motives were good?

It would be easy to change her mind. All she'd have to do would be to lure Rahne into Limbo and cast a spell or two. She could make Rahne forget any suspicion, any disagreement, or even trap her permanently in her half-wolf form and chain her mind to Illyana's will. That was what had happened to poor Cat when Belasco enslaved her, before she died. Before Illyana killed her.

Well. If Rahne didn't care enough to try and be friends anymore, then Illyana wasn't going to waste the effort of caring, either. She was used to people not trusting her, after all. It didn't matter. She'd just have to go on doing the best that she could, broken as she was. Her brother loved her, and Kitty loved her, and that meant that she wasn't completely worthless.

Didn't it?

* * *

The New Mutants, plus one or two, moved along the streets in a casual cluster, making their way back to the Mansion. They could have called for a lift, but the Professor decided that the walk would be good exercise and help the teenagers digest their breakfast.

The morning air was still unpleasantly chilly. Rahne and Sam both had their arms bare and were regretting it. He, at least, had long trousers to keep him warm. Rahne felt like a child who'd wandered out of the house in her pajamas.

Illyana, of course, looked perfectly comfortable in the jacket she had produced from goodness-knew-where. She had not offered to fetch one for Rahne. 

Rahne would not have accepted it if she had, but it would have been polite to offer. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? A common act of Christian kindness? Or did that not apply, when it required a most un-Christian power in order to conjure up a coat?

But she should have asked.

She should have asked, before plunging Bobby and a half-awake Rahne into Limbo with the intent of working black magic on their very souls. She should have respected Rahne's wishes, when she refused to be part of her spell, instead of forcing it upon her anyway.

Rahne could still remember the terror of Limbo. If not for the tactile sense of sand beneath her feet, she would have thought it was a nightmare. A foul, wicked place, steeped in sulphur and old blood, and then Illyana herself standing within a pentagram of blazing silver fire, facing the star's base, the direction of evil... Even frightened and disoriented, Rahne had known she wanted no part of it. She had tried to resist, tried to shift into wolfshape and flee, but Illyana froze her in place with a sorcerous gesture and bound her there, human and helpless, while she ripped the Lightforce out of her essence. It had gone wrong, then, and in her pain and panic, Rahne had thought they might all three die in the spell's backlash, trapped in that hellish dimension forever. What would have become of her soul then?

Illyana had apologised to the Professor for her 'misjudgement', when pressed. Not to Rahne.

Illyana didn't care. 

Rahne had volunteered to wake Illyana up, because it would have been rude to let her sleep through breakfast. It was the right thing to do, the friendly thing to do. And Illyana had looked so harmless, so young, asleep in that chair... almost cuddly. So beautiful.

While Illyana was asleep, Rahne could imagine that she was the girl she'd thought she'd met last year, the bright and friendly stranger who had made the X-Mansion less intimidating for a little lost mutant. A girl who called herself Russian but talked like she was from an American television program, who had greeted her like a best-friend-in-the-making, like the sister she'd never had. But that girl was a lie.

When Rahne had first joined the New Mutants, and her 'new friend' Illyana had gone off back to Scotland with Lady Moira, Rahne had missed her and hoped she would be back soon. As it happened, she didn't return until the X-Men were back on earth, and after that she had attached herself to Kitty Pryde and ignored the other members of the household completely. She didn't have classes with them, because she "wasn't a mutant". She didn't socialise with the "X-Babies" any more than Kitty did. Rahne had quietly accepted that her friendship wasn't worth enough for the other girl to hold on to it.

It hadn't been such a bad thing, though. She had her new friends and her new powers. Once she got over the shock of being a werewolf and allowed herself to really enjoy the freedom of her wolfen form, it had been glorious. She had traveled the world on a grand adventure, discovered a hidden civilisation, and helped to defeat the wicked sorceress Selene. Life had been grand - and then Illyana used her mutant powers to drag them through Limbo to fight the demons of her past. 

Illyana always lied. She lied about being a mutant. She lied about being a sorceress. She lied to Professor Xavier, and she was one of the few people in the world who could, because her mind was locked up so tight. She lied about absolutely everything until she was forced to admit it, and she never apologised for a thing.

Why wasn't she _ashamed_?

Rahne hurried down the pavement, rubbing her arms. Illyana never looked back to ensure that she was following.

Illyana didn't care.

They should have been two of a kind. The witch and the were-creature, both spawn of Satan, damned by their nature, fighting as hard as they could to repent for the sins that made them what they were. Rahne's mother had died giving birth to her, and it was her task, her burden, to make up for the sin and the shame that had killed her. But Illyana understood nothing about living with guilt. 

Why couldn't she just say that she was sorry?

Well, if Illyana didn't care, then Rahne shouldn't bother to care either. She wasn't alone anymore. She had friends. She didn't need to waste her time thinking about possibilities that would never happen.

Up ahead, Illyana paused in the shadow of a tall building to check out the shoes displayed in a shop window. The harsh morning sun caught Rahne's eyes, making her squint, and for a moment, Illyana seemed to disappear into darkness.

But a few steps later, there she was, waiting for her.

"Come on, slowpoke," Illyana said. "We don't want to leave you behind."

Rahne kept her head down, and said nothing.


	3. The Future Is Always Changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after New Mutants #34, and departs canon after that

Storm had promised them a perfect place, somewhere that they could be happy. Rahne knew that the only _perfect_ place that existed was Heaven. 

Still, as far as Earthly locations went, Kirinos was lovely.

It was a small island in the Aegean sea, a mix of rocky cliffs, tree-covered hills, and sandy beaches. The sky was always clear, the sun was always bright, and a gentle sea breeze kept the heat from being too overwhelming, even for a Scottish girl who had grown up more used to the gray and gloomy dreich. One side of the island held the main harbor and a village of red-tiled roofs. Here were all the cafes and markets that served locals and tourists alike, as well as the tavernas where local musicians played and danced late into the night. The island's other face was left to nature and those seeking quiet contemplation, and in between the two stood the secluded villas that were used as holiday homes and private retreats.

Taking advantage of arrangements made by Xavier in the past, the New Mutants and Storm had set up residence in a pair of buildings that had once been the center of a farm. White-painted walls and stone steps provided a rustic appeal, while the herb gardens of oregano, mint, and thyme kept the air pleasantly scented. There was even a private pool for those who might not wish to be seen by other island visitors... though most of the teenagers had been happy to get out and mingle.

Rahne was in the courtyard shared between the buildings, sitting on a sun-warmed wooden bench whose back was carved with vine patterned that mirrored the grapevines overhead. Danielle Moonstar, her teammate and best friend, stood nearby, shading her eyes with her hand as she looked out beyond the rooftops.

"When the sun goes down, we should go for a walk in the hills and look at the stars," Dani said. "It's not exactly wilderness, but I miss the mountains of home. And no one will notice a wolf at night."

Despite the afternoon warmth, Rahne shivered.

"What's the matter, Carrot Top?"

"Ach, Dani," she sighed. "I canna help but think about how Karma - nay, _Farouk_ \- used my wolf shape to attack others. I've no memory of the things I did. With the fire, and running, I'll never even know how many people I hurt, or killed."

"You stop right there, Rahne Sinclair," Dani warned. "It _wasn't_ you. You were a tool, a weapon wielded by someone else. You didn't kill anyone. It was not your choice."

"I could have resisted more, fought harder. Storm did."

"She tried. Even she didn't succeed," Dani said. "But when we get back to the Mansion, we can ask the Professor for classes in resisting psychic control. Illyana can do it. Maybe it's something we can learn."

"Right. Illyana." Rahne frowned. She tried not to think so much about Illyana's powers and sorcerous nature anymore. It hadn't helped matters any, and Illyana was clearly part of the team, demon or not. She had always turned out to be on their side, even if her methods were unpleasant. "Does it not bother you?" she asked suddenly. "The way she 'betrayed' us in Cairo, giving all of us back to be puppets again, without a word?"

"She couldn't warn us," Dani said. "I mean, I was terrified when I thought she'd screwed up, or just abandoned us. But that was the point. If I had known the plan, if I hadn't been panicked, then Farouk would have gotten it from my mind. It's the problem with fighting a telepath. Once she had an idea, she had to keep it secret."

Rahne swung her legs back and forth, staring at her new plastic jelly sandals. "Illyana always keeps secrets," she said, surprised to hear that her voice came out more sad than angry.

"Yeah," Dani shrugged. "She keeps her distance, doesn't really open up to anyone - except Kitty, I guess. As far as I know, I was the first one of us to know much of anything about Limbo, after she and I ended up there that time with the Hellions. I thought it might make us closer, but she made it pretty clear she didn't want to talk about it. Her choice, so I kept her secrets." She came closer, placing a hand on Rahne's shoulder. "You wouldn't like the things I've seen in Limbo."

For a moment, Rahne was horrified. What unholy rites had the Russian forced Dani into? "Demon sacrifice - " she started

"No!" Dani laughed. "You know that sometimes when we're going through Limbo, we get a little lost and pop out in the wrong time or place? Well, I've seen a couple of bad futures. Really bad ones."

"Like what?"

"Like a future where the New Mutants were hunting humans like rats. Torturing them. And not as puppets, either, but because they enjoyed it," Dani said. She shook her head. "Spikes and chains and a jumpsuit were not a good look for you."

"For _me_? That's my future? To turn evil?!?" Rahne stared at her hands in horror. Short fingers, little stubby nails, unpainted, human. Were they destined to be covered in blood? Should she have let Reverend Craig burn her at the stake, after all?

"Of course not!" And now Dani sat down at her side, putting an arm around her and giving her a little shake. "Don't be a goose. It's what could have happened. What would have happened, if we hadn't defeated Farouk. He was going to mindwipe us that night and create the new Evil Us. But he didn't, because we defeated him. It didn't happen."

"But - Shan said he could come back." Rahne's voice was almost a whisper at first, rising in pitch and volume with her fear. "He could possess her again, or any of us. And you saw it, what's going to happen, which makes it real!"

"Rahney, the future changes all the time. Look at Rachel! Her whole world is based on things that didn't happen for us at all. Just like that future with you. Didn't happen. Not going to happen." She hugged her. "If it makes you feel better, we'll take you shopping and get you a consultant, so that if you ever turn evil, you will have better fashion sense than that."

"Oh, Dani, you're being silly!" It was hard to maintain a proper sense of shame and dread when her best friend was trying to make her laugh. With a grateful sigh, she let her head rest on the other girl's shoulder.

"That's the best way," Dani said. "Look, I know it's scary to think about what might happen. I was there. It was awful, and I felt like it was all my fault, my failures that had made that happen. Just like you, I wondered if that future was fixed, if trying to stop it would only make it come true. But that's the trap, don't you see? If we'd given up, if Illyana and I had decided it was hopeless and abandoned you, that's what would have made it real." She withdrew her arm and patted Rahne's knee. "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have told you. I wish we hadn't seen it either. Knowing too many what-ifs is just depressing."

And it was Limbo that did it, Rahne thought. Was _that_ what made Illyana so 'distant', as Dani had called her? Seeing futures of death and betrayal, over and over again? What if, to her, they were all equally monsters?

Danielle stood up and spun in place, stretching out her arms. "Speaking of fashion consultants, we really ought to find more occasions to dress up formally without being possessed by the forces of evil. Greece is great, but when we get back home, we should arrange a trip to New York, to the opera or something. Tux and ties and evening gowns. You looked fabulous in that green dress, Rahne. You ought to have a better reason to wear one."

"I - " Rahne made a face, looking down. Even without the reminder of the awful things she might have done under Karma's (no, not Karma's!) control, the memory of that fragile, slippery material which left her arms and back exposed for all to see was unsettling. What must people have thought when they looked at her, dressed like that? That she was a foolish little child playing dress-up in her mother's clothes? Or a harlot? Or both? "Vanity is wickedness." 

The older girl shook her head. "Storm said one of the worst effects of true wickedness is that it makes you doubt yourself, by making every natural human desire seem like part of something vile. Wanting to be pretty - to be liked! - is natural. It doesn't make you Selene or anything."

Being reminded that the sorceress Selene had intended to turn Dani into a life-draining abomination like herself did not reassure Rahne.

Dani planted her hands on her hips and used her best 'big sister' voice. "C'mon. Stand up."

Obediently, Rahne got to her feet.

Dani poked her nose. "You are young and cute and that is not sinful. You are allowed to have fun, fuzzball. Got it?"

Dani's mock scolding made her relax enough to tease a little back. "What if I dinna think the opera is fun?"

"Then _I'm_ allowed to have fun! Or we'll have a fancy ball or something - Hey!" Suddenly, she waved at someone out of Rahne's vision. "Quick question. Is dressing up and looking pretty demonic? Is it something you learn from devils?"

Rahne turned to see Illyana - of course - descending the stairs from the tower. She resembled a picture out of Old Hollywood, with an enormous floppy white straw hat and heart-shaped sunglasses. If Dani's question startled her, she didn't show it. "I never got makeup tips from demons. I got them from binge-reading Seventeen that summer at the mansion." She slid her glasses down her nose to peer over them. "Before you got there. No X-Men. Just me. I _memorised_ Seventeen."

Rahne smiled a bit at that, but Dani looked taken aback. "I never realised you were there all alone."

Illyana shrugged. "The Professor was always there, and Moira MacTaggert mostly, and Miss Hunter once in a while. But my parents have no idea who I am, so there was nowhere else to send me." She walked down to the little bench and planted herself on it, arms wide across the back. "Years without people, and as soon as I get back to Earth, everyone's kidnapped by aliens! The Professor had to implant American-English in my head so I could talk at all. It was totally unreal. I kept wondering if I'd ever left Limbo, or if it was all a fake-out dream, a trick to make me think I was safe, so I'd slip up, and then Belasco would have me. It sucked." She crossed her legs, top foot wiggling to slap the sole of her flip-flop against her heel. "But then you all came to the Mansion! Happy ending."

Illyana's breeziness brought a whiff of guilt, for Rahne. Unlike Dani, she _had_ known that the blonde she met that summer was all alone in a strange land. She hadn't known about Limbo, then (since Illyana refused to tell her!) but she should have known enough to realise that the perfectly-normal-teenager act was exactly that: an act. 

The Russian girl uncrossed her legs, planting both feet firmly on the ground. "Speaking of old times, we have got to go swimming. I know you've both bought swimsuits. So let's just change and go have fun."

Dani looked back at the nearby building. "I'd like to, but I feel bad about leaving Shan alone."

"Aye, poor Shan," Rahne sighed, moving the conversation back to more certain ground. "We came here to feel better from all that's happened, Storm said, and Shan needs that more than any of us, but she canna enjoy it." In the grip of the evil telepath's power, Shan's body had been horribly abused, used to gulp down endless wine and rich food and drugs with no care for the consequences. The spirit possessing her, after all, could always move on to another target if he bored of her, and with her power at his control, he could reach out to other puppet-bodies whenever he wished for swift movement. Thus he force-fed Shan's body well beyond human appetites, leaving her not simply fat but nearly unable to stand. "What can she do? Her body is damaged forever..."

"Nah," Illyana waved a hand. "I can fix her up."

Dani blinked. "You can fix it?"

"In Limbo," Illyana said. "My power is supreme there. I can do a lot more to someone's body than make them thin or fat."

"Then... why have you not?" Rahne asked.

"Storm told me not to," Illyana said. "Not yet. She says Shan needs to 'conquer her despair' and ask for help." She shrugged. "If it's urgent, if we get attacked or something, then I'll do it anyway, but otherwise, Storm might be right."

This apparently-cold assessment was hard for Rahne to get hold of, but equally hard to argue with. That was Illyana in a nutshell, she thought glumly. She never seemed to care, and somehow, she was always in the right.

Dani tapped a finger against her wrist, pondering. "Well, I suppose Storm is here, and we _should_ try out these new swimsuits..."

"Right." Illyana stood and tossed her hair. "Get changed and meet you back in ten."

With that, the three girls scattered to their bedrooms - or the bathroom, in Rahne's case, since she and Dani shared a room. 

The bathroom was designed to be soothing, with unassuming blue walls and white marble fixtures. The disadvantage to the privacy it gave Rahne was that her own bare reflection stared back at her from the large wall mirror while she shimmied into her one-piece suit. It felt wicked to see her own skin so, even though it could not be helped. She had to take off her clothes in order to put others on. Sometimes it seemed it would be easier to be a wolf all the time, and not have to worry about such things.

Rahne adjusted her shoulder straps, then pulled on a loose cover-up shirt and knotted its tails together in front. Even in a swimsuit of functional and modest design, she could not feel comfortable exposing so much of her body to the view of others. But they would expect that, wouldn't they? That summer, Illyana had even suggested she cover up like this. It had been strangely thoughtful of her. 

"Dani?" she called out, not wanting to open the door if her friend was still in the middle of changing. There was no answer, so she opened the door and found the bedroom empty. The other girl had gone on ahead. Picking up a towel, Rahne headed out to join her.

When she reached the courtyard, Rahne stopped and stared. "What are ye wearing?"

"Like it?" Dani held her hands behind her head, posing like a model. 

Her suit was one piece, yes, but that piece was a hot pink halter tied behind her neck, leaving her back completely bare. The front was no improvement, as the two fabric sections plunged down almost to her navel before rejoining. In her current pose, Rahne could see the curving undersides of her breasts as they shifted... Rahne turned her head away, forcing a cough to cover her discomfort.

Dani smiled and lowered her arms. "Let's see anyone ignore me in this."

"Aye. That'd be a job," Rahne agreed weakly. She would not complain. What was right for her was not always right for others. And Dani was not a wicked person, far from it. It wasn't as if -

Dani whistled. "I think we're going to be a traffic hazard."

Reluctantly, Rahne looked up to see Illyana in her bikini... what there was of it. Like the one she had displayed in her room at the Mansion long ago, it was nothing but tiny scraps of fabric and string to hold them in place. Whether it was slightly too small or had been designed that way to begin with, it covered practically nothing. Curves, ribs, the soft crease at the tops of her thighs, it was all on display, with only her most private points hidden by a veil of white - white! "Ye canna wear that!" Rahne spluttered. 

"It's just a bikini," Illyana winked. "Unless you'd rather I wore nothing at all?"

"But..." Rahne tried. "In the water... ye can see through..."

"Only if I get it wet," Illyana said. "This is really more for sunbathing."

"You never tan," Dani said.

"Doesn't mean I can't enjoy lying in the sun," Illyana said.

Rahne was still staring. Illyana's long blond hair blew around her almost-bare body in the scented breeze. Her skin was pale, even creamy, in contrast to Dani's comforting brown. Her arms and legs were toned, perhaps from long hours of practice in the Danger Room. Soft shapes that Rahne refused to even put names to drew her eye, alternately hidden and set off by the white fabric.

She could imagine Illyana lying on a blanket, stretched out to feel the sun's warmth.

She could imagine her in the water, splashing and laughing.

She could imagine...

With a high-pitched yip, Rahne twisted in upon herself, red fur breaking out across her arms and legs.

"Rahne!" Dani cried, startled, but it was too late. Now fully wolf, the Scottish girl was bounding rapidly over the villa's stones, out into the wooded paths, fleeing into the hills. In her jumbled thoughts, only one phrase was clear.

_Och, no!_

* * *

The hiking trails through the hills of Kirinos were ruggedly picturesque, almost unrealistically so. Illyana could imagine that in the off-season, an army of gnomish gardeners swarmed over the cliffs, adjusting mossy stones and replanting tassel hyacinth to ensure that every trail delivered the promised beauty of nature.

Which was all very nice for the tourists, but not terribly convenient when trying to track a runaway wolf via scrying-pool visions of greenery that looked exactly like every other bit of greenery.

After Rahne dashed off, Dani had stammered an excuse that the Scottish girl was 'confused', and set off after her on foot. Illyana had decided to get ahead of the game and conjured up a stepping disc to Limbo, where she could use her powers to search for Rahne and teleport straight to her location. Unfortunately, there was always a bit of uncertainty in where she emerged. She knew she was close, but not exactly which patch of brush the wolf was hiding in.

And 'wolf' she had to be. Their new beachwear had come from Kirinos Town, not Professor Xavier's special suppliers who could create fabric that reacted appropriately to the use of mutant powers. When Rahne had changed form, she had left her shredded swimsuit behind. She couldn't change back now unless she wanted to find herself naked in the woods, a scenario which wouldn't bother Illyana much but would be mortifying for the shy and overly-religious Rahne.

Illyana had thought she was beyond caring what Rahne thought of her, but to see Rahne have a full-blown panic attack at the idea of spending time at the beach with her? That hurt.

They had to work this out, one way or another. And to do that, she had to find Rahne before Dani did.

A faint rustle drew her attention to a bit of underbrush. There was a nearby cluster of pink flowers - was it the right spot? She patted her thigh encouragingly. "Here, girl. Come here."

The growl that emerged was probably meant to be menacing, but the blonde rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that. I don't have your senses, I don't know who might be listening. Wouldn't you rather have people think I'm looking for a lost dog than a rogue wolf?" 

A red-furred nose emerged from the shadowed green. The wolf looked at Illyana for a moment, then barked her displeasure.

"I'm not Dani, I don't speak animal," Illyana said. "Look, I brought you a robe." She held up a plush white bathrobe with a golden Greek Key trim, courtesy of their holiday villa. "Come closer and I'll drape it over you so you can change. I won't peek."

The wolf did not move closer, but her body bulged and rippled, reshaping into a short fur-covered humanoid. "Ye shouldna be here," Rahne snapped. "Go away!"

"Can't. Promised I'd bring you back," Illyana lied without hesitation. "Since it's apparently my fault you ran off."

If she'd hoped that Rahne would deny that, she was disappointed. The werewolf said nothing.

"Look, just take the robe so we can go back and talk, all right?" She held out her arm.

Rahne pulled away with a hiss, as if Illyana were brandishing a hot poker rather than a terry cloth robe. "Ye mustn't - stay back!"

After everything they'd been through together, after saving Rahne's life and soul and future multiple times, she still could only see Illyana as a monster. "I'm _not_ going to hurt you," she snapped.

"But I might hurt you!" Rahne wailed. 

Illyana paused. Was there something wrong with her teammate? Some leftover psychic residue from their last encounter, or perhaps something on the island that was sending her animal nature out of control? If there was a real danger to the team, they needed to get to the bottom of it quickly. "Okay. Start at the beginning. What happened?"

Rahne covered her eyes with her hands. "Will ye not please put some clothes on?"

That girl had very strange priorities. "All right. If that's what you want." She slipped her arms into the velvety sleeves and wrapped the robe loosely around herself. It was a little warm for summer in Greece, but she'd been in far warmer places. "Now will you talk to me?"

The younger girl spread her fingers hesitantly to peek, then relaxed slightly when she saw Illyana had covered herself. "Aye... If I must."

"Right. Talk to me. What happened? Why did you wolf out on us?"

"I..." Rahne folded up, almost cowering in place. "I felt something."

"Something... alien? Evil? Magical?"

"'Twas awful," she whimpered. "I saw you, so close, and... you looked like food."

That was an odd way of putting it. "You wanted to eat me?" Illyana asked, smirking at the suggestion.

"I felt hungry," Rahne admitted, her voice small and miserable. "It's never happened like that before, not even when the Darkforce powers were drawing me. I wanted to... to attack you, to grab you and bite you, so I _had_ to run away, something was wrong with me, ye shouldna look delicious..."

At that last word, Illyana simply could not hold out any longer. The laughter bubbled up out of her, uncontrollable, shaking her entire body until she was doubled over gasping for air, and even then she could not stop herself. She was down on her hands and knees, down on the dirt and pebbles of the path, and her white robe was turning a dusty beige, and she could not stop laughing. Rahne! Poor, pitiful, helpless Rahne! Didn't even know her own desire when she felt it! 

"Ah..." Rahne had given up her frightened crouch. "Are _you_ all right? Is it something about this island, affecting us?"

Illyana rolled over onto her back, feeling her hair snarl in the mud and not caring. Tears streaked down her face, but she was smiling. "We are ridiculous," she said. Sprawled out like this, her loose robe was probably granting the other girl scattered glimpses of her body. It wasn't something she was used to considering, not when it came to her teammates, but in this moment it gave her a quiet thrill to imagine Rahne looking at her and flustering. "Come here."

Rahne shook her head so hard it almost rattled. "I canna - I'll hurt you!"

"I don't think you really want to hurt me," Illyana grinned. "I'll prove it to you. Come here and lie next to me. Put your head on my arm."

"But - "

"If you attack me, I'll just 'port away," Illyana said. "But I think you'll be fine. Just come here."

Like a puppy, the werewolf made a tiny whine of protest. But Illyana lay perfectly still, and slowly, paw by paw, Rahne crept in beside her. Not too close. As requested, she lay her head on the other girl's arm, but that was their only point of contact.

"How do you feel?" Illyana asked, still smiling upwards. 

"Nervous," Rahne admitted.

"So, do you want to attack me?" Illyana asked. "Wanna hit me in the face? Do you want to see me all scratched up and bleeding?"

Rahne stiffened. "No."

"Sounds gross, doesn't it?" Illyana's voice went dreamy. "How about sinking your fangs into my throat and shaking it until my neck snaps? That's how a monster might kill me."

Her furry head jerked up. "That's awful!"

"You see?" Illyana said. "You don't want to hurt me. You just got spooked, that's all." And how was she going to explain why, to a girl who was so out of touch with her own feelings? "You've been under a lot of stress lately. That's why we're on vacation, remember? So relax."

Rahne sighed, laying her head back on her paws. Worried and embarrassed as she'd been, it had taken courage for her to come this far, Illyana thought. She was a good kid.

But not so much a kid anymore, was she?

What did it mean, if Rahne was attracted to her? What did she want it to mean?

"Rahne!" That was Dani's voice, and at that sound the werewolf suddenly leapt to her feet and scrambled off to meet her friend climbing up the hill. 

Illyana stood up and brushed herself off a bit. Up ahead, Dani was wrapping a robe around the smaller girl - they'd had the same idea there - and chiding her for running off. She couldn't quite hear Rahne's reply, but she did see the hug and fur-ruffling that followed. And, she noted in the back of her mind, Dani's own revealing swimsuit didn't seem to cause nearly as much consternation.

The blonde shook back her hair and walked down to join them. "New plan," she stated with confidence. "We go change into street clothes and have another day of shopping, get some new swimsuits, and we hit the beach _tomorrow_." Maybe she'd even buy something that wouldn't scandalize Rahne quite so much, if it was cute. It was true that this wasn't the time to push. They all needed to relax. 

An exotic beach vacation with no otherworldly forces crashing in to ruin it. Surely that wasn't too much to ask?


	4. Home is Where the Heart Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are no longer in actual comics continuity, but a few more months have passed.

With only the two of them traveling by commercial air, the flight was not nearly as comfortable or interesting as the times when the whole team had chartered flights together. Hours spent strapped to a seat, with only a single blurry movie projected onto the front wall of the cabin to break up the monotony. Illyana spent much of that first flight doodling on her airsick bag and absently flicking the ashtray in her seat arm open-and-shut, while she convinced herself not to bother her seatmate. If there was a correct time and place to be had, that wasn't it. 

At last, the dawn came, the passengers were given plastic-wrapped blueberry muffins and orange juice in foil-sealed cups, and the plane descended into London Heathrow. Then they had to shuffle through a customs line, show their passports, and be escorted by airport staff to their connecting flight, a much smaller plane to Inverness. If not for the documents the Professor had obtained, showing Illyana to be a credible-if-inaccurate sixteen years old, they would not have been allowed to transfer flights at all without an adult companion. As it was, they still required several letters of permission and promises that Moira MacTaggert would meet them in Scotland. She was, after all, Rahne's legal guardian.

It would have been a lot simpler and faster to make the trip via Limbo. That was one of the reasons Illyana had accompanied Rahne on this trip 'home' - if anything went wrong during their travel, she was the best equipped to get them both to safety or go for help. Her other reasons were more personal.

Times had not been easy of late. While Professor Xavier was away on X-Men business, Emma Frost had hatched a plan to lure the New Mutants into attending her Massachusetts Academy by sending Empath, one of her Hellions, to distort their emotions and leave them in a helpless depression that "only she" could cure. Illyana, with her enhanced psychic resistance, could not be directly affected by his powers, but as her teammates deteriorated around her, her own mood had crumbled as well. She had not consciously realised how much she relied on her friends to be a source of cheerful teenage normality, a reminder that she had good reasons to keep her dark side under control. As they succumbed to gloom and despair, as they donned the Hellions uniforms Illyana had once seen in what she'd _hoped_ was a long-since-averted Bad Future, she had found herself withdrawing more and more to Limbo. There she'd sat, surrounded by her demonic familiars, crooning battle hymns as they brought her tiny skulls to weave into her hair. It had all seemed like a reasonable progression. If her brother hadn't come in search of her, triggering a fight between the X-Men and the Hellions that forced the New Mutants to wake up and take sides, she might have lost herself entirely.

Professor Xavier had been able to undo the direct psychic damage to her friends, but the memories of what they had felt and done in their fatalistic states still haunted them. Rahne in particular had broken down crying and begged to go home to see her 'mother'. She was the youngest of all the students, and he was helpless before her tears. 

As was Illyana.

It had hurt, in a quiet and undefined way, to see Rahne shuffling along with the others under Empath's power, no spark in her eyes, not even caring enough to be shy anymore. It hurt in a different way to see her cry and cling to others for support. Others, not Illyana. No one expected her to be the hugging type. She wanted to offer, but she didn't know how.

She stole a glance at her seatmate where she leaned against the window, staring out over the distant landscape. No. It would not be fair to Rahne to get into a deep conversation about feelings now, on a plane, where everyone could hear and no one could get away. But she had to say _something_ , didn't she? 

"Looking forward to seeing Muir Isle again?" she tried.

Rahne did not startle at the sudden question. She didn't even move. "Aye."

"You've been back more recently than I have," Illyana said. "So you'll have to show me around." She paused for a response, but didn't get one. "There's a castle in Inverness, right? Do you think we can visit it?"

"'Tisna open to the public," Rahne muttered.

"Oh." Not that such a thing could stop them if they really wanted to get inside, but it made the harmless tourist routine harder. "Well... What's worth doing in Ullapool, then?"

"Nowt."

"There must be something!" Illyana said. "You didn't grow up sitting in church all day, every day." Still no answer, and that time it was mildly concerning. "Did you?"

"Nay," Rahne sighed. "I played out-of-doors, at times."

"Maybe you can teach me to fish, then? That's something I never had the chance for. I was too little, and then there wasn't much water in Limbo."

Finally, Rahne lifted her head. The faint glimmer of pain and distrust in her expression now was better than the blank mask she'd worn as a Hellion, but it couldn't be called friendly. "Why are ye here?"

"Because..." No point in pretending she just really wanted to visit Scotland. Rahne would never buy it. "I wanted to spend time with you."

"Why?"

Well, that was the $64,000 question, wasn't it? "Because we're friends. Aren't we?" She didn't wait this time, but pushed ahead: "And we should have been better ones. That's what I wanted, when we met, but somehow things didn't quite turn out. You know?"

Rahne looked confused. "But..." Her nose scrunched up. It was, Illyana thought, rather adorable. "You don't like me. You think I'm boring. Don't you?"

"Of course I like you," Illyana insisted. "I just... I don't always know how to talk to you." She shrugged. "I thought, maybe, if we came to Scotland together, we'd have a chance to start over. To _be_ friends, and hang out, and do ordinary things, instead of - " Abruptly, she remembered that they were not alone. "... well, you know, whatever," she finished, slouching in her seat. 

Rahne managed a tiny smile. "You dinna know how to talk?"

"I don't! Not about anything serious." She was aware that she sounded slightly sulky, now, but if it was actually cheering Rahne up, maybe that was a good thing. "You know, it's not easy being this cool all the time."

Rahne twitched. She had almost laughed! "I wouldna know."

"Right. I have to be extra-cool. Cool enough for both of us," she said, and straightened up in her seat. "Let's go out tonight."

She looked wary. "Out where?"

"Out! I don't know where yet. We'll go get dinner, check out a record store, maybe catch a movie - do you have cinemas in Ullapool?"

"No," Rahne said.

"Totally lame-o!" Illyana said, playing it up. "Maybe Moira can give us tips. Tips for Typical Teenagers. Or I can take us to the city. Whatever."

"I don't want to go out, I want to go home," Rahne said. "I want to see my mummy and sleep in my bed."

"Well, _tomorrow_ night, then," Illyana tried. "I want us to have a good time, just the two of us. Two gorgeous girls out on the town. What do you say? Please?"

Rahne stared at her for a moment, her face pale and tired, but her lips quirked. "Oh, go on, then."

A year's age was not all that had changed her from the timid child that Illyana had first met. They had been around the world together, faced temptations and fears, fought for their lives. She was still a pixie-like girl with eternally wide eyes and short scruffy hair, but her life and Illyana's no longer felt quite so far apart.

Perhaps it wasn't too late. Perhaps, instead, the time would be just right.

* * *

Rahne stood in front of her dresser, in her own room. In terms of her overall life, of course, it was barely her room at all. She had only stayed here for a few weeks after Lady Moira first adopted her, and then again when she came for a visit. It wasn't the place she'd grown up in, or the school where she spent her time now, but it was something more special than either. Somewhere where she was loved and cherished, just as herself. Professor Xavier was kind and caring to all the New Mutants, but he was a teacher, not a parent. It was not the same. This was Rahne's home.

She had been surprised to find that the clothes she'd left here before no longer fit quite as she expected. Apparently, while she was away, she'd gotten taller. Luckily, Lady Moira had anticipated the needs of a teenager and laid in a fresh wardrobe, so she wasn't forced into skirts that no longer covered her knees.

So, Illyana wanted to go out. It was a strange thought. Living with Reverend Craig as a child, Rahne had rarely been allowed to go in search of "fun", and when she had managed it, her instincts had taken her not into town but into the woods of Lady Moira's estate. She had no clear idea of what the local youths considered to be a good time. Her classmates in primary school had always laughed behind their hands at her; she'd had no friends to tempt her into either amusements or misbehavior. If she ran into someone from her old school, now, would they even recognise her?

She could ask Illyana to do her makeup, to transform her into someone more glamorous, but what would be the point? She didn't need to impress those people. She had her own friends, now, and a mother who loved her. 

Besides, if by some mischance she encountered Reverend Craig, she could imagine just what he'd say if he saw her "tarted up."

No, it was better to be herself, just as she was. A girl, a mutant, and loved by God as she loved Him. 

She picked up a tiny gold cross from the dresser and fastened it behind her neck, letting it settle atop her blouse and sleeveless jumper. "Goodness and mercy all my life shall surely follow me, and in God's house forevermore my dwelling place shall be," she whispered. 

The past month had been a time of darkness and horror. Under Empath's influence, Rahne's feelings of guilt and self-hatred had grown from a tiny seed to an all-consuming force. She had always felt the need to put the safety of others before her own, but in her darkened state, she lost all care for her own well-being. Her hands had been badly burned by Magma in Hellions training because she no longer had the instinct to flinch away. And she hadn't cared, had even welcomed the pain. Only her certainty that God loathed suicide kept her need for penitence from spiraling out of control. 

When they were finally freed, Rahne couldn't stop crying. Her own thoughts from that time were now repulsive to her. She no longer wanted to be punished, she wanted to be comforted. She wanted to attend the kind of church she had heard about from the others, where the pastors preached of God's eternal love. She wanted her mother's arms.

And now, after a night spent cuddling and talking with Lady Moira, she was ready to try being normal again, but normal for her. Not for anyone else.

Maybe she and Illyana could go and see that movie with the princess and the unicorn she'd seen posters for? There had been a demon of some sort lurking in the background, but Rahne was certain that a princess and a unicorn could defeat any darkness, especially in a Hollywood movie. And it probably wouldn't make her cry as much as E.T. had. 

There was a knock at the door. Deciding she was close enough to ready now, Rahne went over to answer it.

She was not surprised to see Illyana standing there, nor by what the blonde was wearing (a hot pink jacket, a silver cuff bracelet, a miniskirt that was black on one side and white on the other, and hose in contrast: one leg black, one leg white). The surprise was that she held in her hand a long-stemmed red rose.

"Where did that come from?" It was the only thing Rahne could think to ask.

"I popped back to the airport," Illyana smiled. "They're always selling flowers." She held it out. "For you."

Polite instinct meant that she accepted it, careful not to grasp the thorns. The flower felt completely real in her hand. "But... why?"

"Well, that's what you give a girl on a date, right?"

"A date?!?" Her voice squeaked, but she was too shocked to be embarrassed. 

"Yeah, I wasn't sure you'd got that, so I thought I'd be clear," Illyana said, clasping her hands behind her back. "I like you. I think you might like me. So, I thought, this would be a great chance to figure that out."

"But..." Rahne _had_ agreed to go out on the town, just the two of them. Did that make it a date? Was she supposed to have understood that? It didn't make any sense! "But... you're a girl?"

"Last I checked."

"But I'm a girl!" How could something so obvious even need saying? "We're both girls, we canna date."

"Seriously? That's your objection?" Illyana grinned, leaning against the doorframe. "I was expecting you to complain that I'm the 'spawn of Satan', evil demon and all that. Who cares that we're girls?"

"'Tisna normal!" Rahne shook her head, then paused. Certainly, it was something that Reverend Craig would consider an abomination, but she had come to realise that many things he declaimed as the devil's work might not always be so. "Is it?"

"Well, if you really want to know, I can lend you a Seventeen article about how it's perfectly normal for girls to 'practice' kissing other girls," Illyana said. "But does it matter? We're already mutants. This is about us."

"Ah..." Kissing? Rahne had never been kissed. Her daydreams of how it might happen had always been very fuzzy, more about the circumstances of meeting a handsome prince than anything else, and still fairly embarrassing to dwell on. The idea of kissing Illyana? All of a sudden the image of the other girl in that skimpy white bikini flashed into her mind, and she felt her cheeks go red. 

"Look. I know I've got problems," Illyana said. "Part of me is tainted and always will be. But I don't _want_ to give in to that. And I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to be mad at me, or feel bad. If you really don't want to do the date thing, that's okay, we can still go out as friends, and then I'll go back to Massachusetts and I won't tell anyone about this. So - it's up to you."

Rahne stared forward, blinking slowly, as her fingers twisted the rose stem in her hand. She had no idea what to say. Never had she expected anything like this. But... hadn't she always wanted a closer connection with Illyana? Ever since they met? Hadn't she always been disappointed by the distance between them? "You like me?"

"You don't see me bringing roses to just anyone, do you?" Illyana joked.

"Why?"

"Well... a lot of reasons." Illyana fidgeted. "You're the first person in the whole world who ever looked up to me. I know that's silly, but, after Limbo, it meant a lot to meet someone who was sweet and innocent in ways that I didn't get the chance to be. You were shy and scared, but curious, and I could see all these possibilities in you. Sometimes I wished I could _be_ you."

Rahne almost laughed. Sophisticated, powerful Illyana, who never had a hair out of place, wanted to be her?

Illyana was still talking. "You're pretty, but you're not obsessed with making everyone see it. You're scared, but you leap in fighting anyway. You're stubborn, and emotional, and enthusiastic. I like watching you."

"I..." Rahne's voice compressed itself into a whisper, but she had to say it. "I like looking at you." She did. Illyana was fun to watch. Sometimes she was a wild force of chaos, flinging herself from point to point and upsetting applecarts just to see what happened. Sometimes she was a bold warrior, blazing sword in hand, like the brave knight of one of Rahne's fairy stories. And sometimes she was a teenager with the boldest sense of fashion of any of the New Mutants. Whatever she did, she did it with style.

"Oh." And Illyana smiled, a strangely shy smile. "So, is it a date?"

Rahne licked her lips. "Are ye goin' ta kiss me?"

The blonde's eyes widened. "Uh. I was hoping you might let me hold your hand in the movie?"

If she wanted to know how she felt, if she wanted to know if this was right or wrong, she had to go all in. Quickly, before either of them could chicken out, she stepped forward and pecked Illyana on the lips. It felt... kind of okay.

Illyana put her hand to her lips, the florid pink of her jacket reflected on her cheeks. "I guess that's a yes."

"Aye," said Rahne.

She didn't know where this was going. She wasn't sure what she wanted. But perhaps, now, she could give herself the freedom to be loved.


End file.
